Medium Link: https://medium.com/@nanjappashruthi72/validation-f07f55ae2ab2
Course Relevance
This reflective case-based blog is relevant for the following PGDM / MBA courses:
- Organizational Behaviour (OB):
Examines motivation, self-concept, self-esteem, and emotional needs in individuals.
- Human Resource Management (HRM):
Explores the role of recognition, appreciation, and feedback in employee well-being.
- Leadership & Emotional Intelligence:
Highlights empathy, validation, and the long-term impact of unexpressed appreciation.
- Business Ethics & Values:
Encourages reflection on human dignity beyond performance metrics.
- Managerial Psychology / Applied Psychology:
Focuses on intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation and emotional resilience.
Background
Validation—the simple act of being seen, acknowledged, and appreciated—is a deeply human need.
While occasional praise and recognition are natural desires, modern society has slowly transformed validation into a currency of self-worth.
In recent years, the absence of validation has increasingly led individuals into cycles of self-doubt, sadness, and emotional exhaustion. What was once comforting has become addictive.
Cultural Context: Validation in Indian Families
In many middle-class Indian households, validation is often conditional.
Children grow up learning that appreciation must be earned—through:
Academic performance
Admission to prestigious institutions
Professionally “acceptable” careers
Financial success
Physical appearance
Social conformity
Validation becomes tied not to being, but to becoming—and often, even that is never enough.
Ironically, a common cultural belief persists:
“Too much appreciation will spoil the child.”
As a result, parents may appear distant, strict, or emotionally unavailable, unaware that:
One sentence of encouragement
One word of praise
One moment of acknowledgment
can profoundly shape a child’s confidence and sense of self.
Personal Reflection: When Validation Never Comes
For many, the struggle for validation does not end with childhood—it simply changes form.
Choosing the “wrong” academic stream.
Pursuing a career that does not meet societal expectations.
Marrying outside prescribed boundaries.
Leaving a marriage instead of enduring it.
Each decision becomes another line item in a silent ledger of disapproval.
Over time, acceptance replaces resistance—not because the pain disappears, but because survival demands peace.
Yet, even after years of maturity and understanding, the quiet wish remains:
“I wish things were different.”
This longing is not weakness—it is humanity.
The Trigger: A Loss That Revealed a Deeper Wound
The sudden death of a close colleague’s father brought this reflection sharply into focus.
Amid grief, shock, and loss, his deepest anguish was not just bereavement—but a regret:
> “I could never make my father proud.
Even in death, the unspoken words—“I am proud of you”—remained painfully absent.
This moment revealed a profound truth:
The absence of validation can outlive the person from whom it was sought.
Core Questions Raised
This experience led to a series of difficult but necessary questions:
1. Do we truly need external validation?
2. Should validation be sought—or offered freely?
3. How do we cope when validation never arrives?
4. Whose validation truly matters?
5. Is self-validation sufficient?
6. What deserves external approval—and what does not?
7. Should children be taught the importance of internal validation early in life?
These questions resist easy answers.
Insight: The Shift Toward Internal Validation
While answers may differ for each individual, one realization slowly emerges with time and experience:
“My validation is enough. I am enough as I am.”
This does not deny growth or improvement.
It simply affirms that worth is not suspended until approval arrives.
There will always be moments when the lack of validation hurts—especially when it is withheld by those who matter most. But over time, the balance shifts.
Life becomes quieter. Kinder. More forgiving.
And most days, despite everything—
Epilogue: Lessons from the Little Things
This reflection teaches us that:
1. Validation is powerful—but silence can be devastating.
2. Appreciation costs nothing, yet creates lasting impact.
3. Conditional validation breeds lifelong insecurity.
4. Parents, leaders, and mentors shape self-worth more than they realize.
5. Internal validation is not arrogance—it is emotional survival.
Often, it is not the grand gestures, but the little things that define our emotional lives.
Teaching Note
Learning Objectives
After engaging with this reflective case, students will be able to:
Understand the psychological impact of validation and recognition
Distinguish between intrinsic and extrinsic validation
Reflect on cultural influences on motivation and self-worth
Apply emotional intelligence concepts to leadership and parenting
Develop empathy in managerial and personal relationships
Suggested Classroom Activities
1. Reflection Journal:
Students write about a moment when validation—or lack of it—affected them deeply.
2. Group Discussion:
“Is self-validation enough in a performance-driven society?”
3. Role Play:
Simulate a manager giving meaningful, non-performance-based validation.
Discussion Questions
1. How does cultural conditioning shape our need for validation?
2. What are the long-term emotional costs of withheld appreciation?
3. Can internal validation fully replace external validation?
4. What responsibility do parents and leaders hold in affirming others?
